It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
