you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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