Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
