She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
