when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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