I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
