k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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