a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
