Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
