I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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