Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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