This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
