Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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