I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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