you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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