the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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