I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
