phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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