I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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