we made out on top of his cat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
