I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
