I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
we're so committed to being not committed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
