I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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