Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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