We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she smelled like a LAN party
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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