I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
