chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
