Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
