end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
