Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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