How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
