I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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