so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
