God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
