You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
