i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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