yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
