There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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