Don't make out with my wife yet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
