How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
