Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently you make a good broom.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
