She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I could make wine with my vomit
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
