Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
