jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
