We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
