just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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