she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
