I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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