Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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