I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
