So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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