yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
