She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
