She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
