okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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