I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize