Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize