Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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