Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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