after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think a kid would responsible me up
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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