i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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