and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
