he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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