I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
