So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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