So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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