I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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