So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm too high and old for this...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
