I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize