Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
