Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
