was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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