Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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