She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
