Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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